The idea that the body of one of the spouses after bringing marriage vows becomes the property of another is so rooted in the public consciousness that, speaking of fidelity, we often mean the loyalty of the body, and not the hearts. However, today, when people strive to find themselves and their place in the world, it is worth parting with the idea of fidelity as a social norm and talking about it as an agreement between adults who decided that their union is the main value, it is unique and they should not take risks.
For centuries it has been believed that fidelity in marriage is a law that begins to act as soon as spouses put on wedding rings. From this moment, the partners completely belong to each other. But, unfortunately, loyalty in itself does not yet marry the happy. But infidelity will almost certainly destroy the union: even if a deceived spouse could forgive what happened, social attitudes force to relate to any deviation from the norm sharply negative. Treason is one of the largest threats to marriage.
But perhaps you should look at fidelity and treason from a different angle. To approach this topic more consciously, stop relying on centuries -old rituals and norms and remember that where it is about love and trust, there is no place for stamps and cliches.
Most religions insist on loyalty in marriage, but meanwhile, statistics say that only moral standards and religious covenants do not guarantee it
A new approach to marriage needs to determine the “new” monogamy. It is based on the idea that fidelity is the choice we make with the spouse. Monogamia must be agreed at the very beginning of the relationship and confirm these agreements throughout the marriage union.
Before you understand what loyalty is by agreement, let’s clarify what was meant by fidelity in the conditions of “old” monogamy.
Psychology of “old” monogamy
Family Psychotherapist Esther Perel claims that Monogamy is rooted in the experience of antiquity. At that time, by default, it was believed that love was selflessly given to
the head of the family – without alternatives and doubts. This early experience of “uniqueness” implied unconditional unity.
Perel calls the old monogamy “monolithic”, based on the desire to be unique, the only one for another. It was assumed that in the world there is such a person in which everything that his partner wants is concluded. For each other, they became ally, best friends, passionate lovers. Related souls, halves of the whole.
Whatever we call it, the traditional view of Monogamia has become the embodiment of our desire to be indispensable, unique
Such uniqueness requires exclusivity, and infidelity is perceived as a betrayal. And since betrayal violates the boundaries of our personality, you can’t forgive this.
Over time, the situation has changed. Now the best that the spouses can do for marriage is to accept that fidelity is a persuasion, not a tradition and not a social attitude. This means that you agree that monogamy is no longer regulated by social norms and you should look at fidelity as a choice that you and your partner are making together during the marriage.